Communication Between a Family and Nanny
“Strong communication is something we all want, but not everyone is willing to work for it".”
You might have heard us say this in a meeting together. What we mean is, we frequently hear from both families and nannies that they are seeking a partnership with smooth communication but what we know from experience is that it takes two to tango.
In any relationship, open communication is vital. Interestingly, even when we speak the same language, it can feel challenging to get through to another person with a different communication style. While we may know a thing or two about psychology—and have a member on our team that has a master’s degree in Community Counseling—we will not claim ourselves to be ‘communication experts’. Truly, it’s complicated. What we’re here to do is encourage open dialogue and suggest that you (a family or a nanny) are mindful of the continuous effort that this partnership takes in order to be long-lasting and harmonious.
Let’s identify a few core concepts to help point you in the right direction:
Communication between partners/spouses at home can set the tone for communication with your nanny.
Whether communication between you and your partner/spouse is in tip-top shape or there’s room for improvement, that’s okay. What matters is recognizing that the way in which you communicate in front of your child(ren) and your nanny matters. Do you take turns listening to one another’s needs? Are you in a habit of interrupting one another or walking out of the room while the other is talking? Take a step back and try to observe what your environment presents to you nanny. They are in your home, your personal space, and it is important to take into account how conflicted they may feel if you ‘air out your dirty laundry’ in front of them.
It is also unfavorable to have the nanny take sides on any issue. If you and your partner often present two vastly different opinions or tend to be competitive with one another, do your nanny a favor and don’t loop them in.
Investing in understanding your own personalities and individual needs will pay off in the long run, allowing you to communicate more effectively between one another.
As silly as it may seem, taking the time to get to know each others’ styles and needs earlier on in the relationship can really pay off in a long term relationship. There are many types of personality tests out there, which can help to gain an understanding of the approach/environment in which everyone thrives. Click here for a FREE DISC Personality Test. What’s great about this version is after completing your test, you can read about the different types and their communication style and temperament.
Carving out time to communicate will set you up for success.
As a past nanny myself, I am very fond of having “transition time” built into the work schedule, either before the start of the day or at the end. In other words, if parents are tied down to their desk between 9am-5pm on the dot, it would be smart to schedule your nanny from say, 8:30am-5:15pm. This transition time greatly benefits the child(ren), but also allows you space to chat about how thing are going without feeling rushed. As a first-time parent who has not had a nanny before, our best advice is to build this time into the schedule—you’ll be surprised how many baby-related and non-baby-related things there are to talk about. ;)
We also see a value in communicating in-person, in addition to the occasional “maintenance” communication such as texting and sending pictures scattered throughout the week. Speaking face-to-face allows for more candid ideas, problem-solving and brainstorming.Schedule monthly or quarterly check-ins to leave space for improvement.
While you may feel like you’re finding enough time to check in before/after work on a regular basis, we see a value in scheduling check-in’s with your nanny on a semi-regular basis to dig a little bit deeper. We’re all human with needs of our own, and having a dinner together or a coffee date without kids around can really help take your relationship to the next level. A nanny-family relationship is built upon honesty and trust, and having the space to check in with one another can be very helpful in fostering healthy communication.
Nobody’s perfect. If there’s a slip-up, you can recover.
There will be mistakes, mishaps, and instances of miscommunication—and that’s okay! We are all trying our best but the reality is, raising children is no easy feat. If something slips through the cracks or if you step back and realize that you could have communicated something better, don’t be afraid to apologize and regroup. Owning up to your shortcomings can make a world of difference in your relationship and it also shows your nanny or nanny-family how important your partnership is.
We know how tempting it can be to sweep things under the rug but it’s better to address a mistake or conflict, rather than pretend it didn’t happen. Tough moments will inevitably occur—such as one parent wanting to send their sick toddler to preschool, while the other parent and the nanny don’t think it’s a great idea—but working through it, without building tension or resentment is important.
As we know, communication is key to any relationship. We encourage you, both nannies and families, to put forth your best effort in your partnership to ensure a happy environment and a positive example for the kids.
-Brooke Blazevich, Founder of NH
